


Faded Daisies

by Heyrrra



Series: One-Shot Prompts [2]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, Not A Happy Ending, im sorry, wanted to write this for so long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-20 20:36:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21062825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heyrrra/pseuds/Heyrrra
Summary: When love can be one of the most painful things too.





	Faded Daisies

**Author's Note:**

> Hanahaki Disease is a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear. 
> 
> I'm sorry

She sees white and crimson red. 

_ White, how … ironic. _

Jennie hears her own hallowed laugh ring out, bouncing off the walls, making her wince as it swirled with the cigarette smoke suspended in the air. She hated cigarettes, hated the aftertaste that burned her throat so much, making her cough after every drag. She liked how it felt though, velvety and smooth as it coursed through her, making the shaking stop. Making her breathe in soft, deep breaths that filled her with a calm she can’t seem to find on her own.

Jennie looks at the sink and sees stark, utter whiteness, dark red seeping, spreading out slowly until they fall, a washed out scarlet. 

_ Petals… _

_ White… blood soiled petals. _

Jennie takes another shaky drag, and runs her fingers through her hair. 

She knew what this was, heard it being talked about when she was young. Whispers among adults that were not meant for her uncomprehending ears. Cause when you’re young, you’re curious, right?

_ “I heard about what happened to him, the poor soul. Who would’ve thought someone so young would die from something so ...tragic?” _

_ Jennie was seven then, and barely understood everything that happened around her, but that never stopped her from finding out answers to all the silly questions that ran in her head. _

_ “No one else to blame but him, he knew what he was getting into. A simple surgery would’ve done the trick.” _

_ She could hear the annoyance in her father’s voice as he continued to skim through the paper, not even bothering to look up. _

_ “Well… I think it’s… tragically beautiful. To die for something as noble as love, for standing up for what you want...” Jennie saw her mother look away, something subtle. A wistful smile on her face. _

_ “He’s stupid.” _

_ “What?” _

_ “He’s stupid. For choosing to die. For choosing to die for something as inconceivable a thought as love, something as fleeting... stupid, he’s plain stupid.” _

Jennie feels the burn again, right in the center where her heart should be. Feels it squeeze, choking her. She takes another drag, hoping it would mask the metallic taste that filled her mouth. Anything...anything to take the taste of blood away. She feels the petals push their way, from her heart to her mouth. Tasted the sweetness of the flowers mix with the sharp taste of blood and she coughs it out. Sees them fill the sink, the sweet scent making her nauseous. She makes herself believe it was the smoke, but she knew… would always knew it was the flowers. 

_ White…. And red. _

She hates the combination.

Hates what it meant. 

Hates knowing that.. The truth can be so … so bittersweet.

* * *

Jennie was reading through the same passage for the twentieth time and can’t seem to grasp what it meant. Lisa was cuddled by her side, drawing little shapes on her cheeks. The slow, steady rhythm on her hot skin, made Jennie breathe long and hard. 

“Can we study later?” Lisa’s pout was a very deadly weapon, Jennie admits.

“No, you’re failing and if we don’t they’ll keep you for another year.” 

Jennie tries her best to keep the pounding in her chest a secret. 

“But… I’d rather watch a movie with you and cuddle till morning.” Lisa weaves her arms around Jennie’s neck and pulls her closer, pulled too hard the book went bouncing off the soft carpet.

Lisa laughs and Jennie feels the warmth of her breath against her burning skin, not understanding how it cooled and burned her at the same time.

“Let’s stay like this forever.”

Something inside her shifts, squirmed. Swirling and swirling, making her want to vomit. The pain came next, not long after. A dull throbbing at first before it intensified into short sharp bursts of pinpricks, making her cough. 

“Are you okay?” Lisa lets go and gives her a worried look. 

_ No… _

She feels her chest fill up with a painful heaviness, something sweet fills her mouth and she runs to the bathroom. 

_ White and saccharine. _

She heaves and heaves. Tears falling at the sudden realization. 

_ Petals…. _

See’s white petals and spots of blood paint the sink, paints it with swirls of red and flurry of white making a fucking sad picture. 

_ Daisies. _

See’s them fall one by one and all at once, until it filled the room with a heavy scent and she chokes on her own tears and the truth. 

“Jennie unnie?”

She covers her mouth to stop the flowers from escaping. 

_ Lisa can’t see this, can’t know about this. _

“Are you okay?”

Jennie scrambles to scoop up the flowers and petals and dumps them in the toilet, smearing her t-shirt with blood, smearing everything with blood. 

“I… uh… I’m fine… “ She prays to whoever was listening above, she sounded true. She knew how Lisa always knows when she was lying. 

“You’re not.”

_ Shit _

“Let me in, and let me help you Jen.” 

She sees the knob rattle, and hears the soft knocks…. Hears it above the pounding in her chest and the ringing in her ears. 

“Really it’s--”

“You sound sick…” She hears the worry in Lisa’s voice and Jennie feels the flowers in her chest swirling again. 

_ No shit, sherlock. _

“I… am…”

_ No use lying about that. _

“Let me in please…” The soft knocks had turned to a restless pounding. 

“I’ll be fine Lili, must’ve been the take-out.” Jennie grips the sink and shuts her eyes close, fighting the urge to retch the bloody damn flowers. 

_ Please … just please leave me alone. _

The silence from the other side of the door was beginning to settle in the air, and Jennie finds it too deafening,

“Would you… would you like to be alone?”

She hears the sadness in the younger woman’s voice and it makes her wince. 

“Ye--yeah… I just … need some time to be alone please.”

“Okay… I’ll see you tomorrow. Please drink medicine and lots of water okay?”

Jennie laughs at this. If only medicine could keep this at bay, keep this … keep this away. 

“I will.”

Jennie stood there, as she heard Lisa walk away, the door open and the door clicking back in place. Stood there shakily, before dropping to the cold hard floor.

_ Fuck my life. _

Another wave of heaving and the same damn flowers spilling unto the white tiled floor. White upon white upon red. 

_ Beautiful. _

_ Tragically beautiful. _

* * *

Jennie opens the door to a scowling Jisoo.

“Where the hell have you been the whole damn week?”

Jennie grimaces, but finds solace that it was Jisoo and not Lisa huffing in her front door. 

“I’ve been sick, I already called the school.”

“Damn right, you did. Now scoot and let me in.”

Jennie tries her best to hold onto the doorknob and sandwiching most of her body between the door and the frame. 

_ Jisoo can’t.. She … _

Jisoo was stronger though and Jennie… Jennie was too tired.

The scent of flowers filled the apartment, occupying every nook and cranny. It permeated the air with this constant mask, a reminder of what she can never have. Jisoo stood there frozen, the same realization running through her mind the moment she saw the flowers and petals scattered on the floor. 

“Jen … this is ….”

Jennie finds it hard to breathe again, this time thankful she wasn’t assaulted with the taste of petals. This time, she cried out in pain.

“Chu…”

“How long has this been happening?” Jisoo ran small circles down her back. It did nothing to comfort her. 

Everything had gotten worse. The vomiting and the choking. Jennie feels the flowers taking root in her heart deeper and deeper. Latching on and feeding on her emotions, spreading into her lungs and making her taste the sweetness at the back of her throat. She took to smoking more and more, cigarette butts littering the floor, contrasting beautifully with the flowers and the blood. She did everything to take away the taste that reminded her of that one thing she feared the most.

“Jen…” 

She hears pity in Jisoo’s voice and hates it. 

“A… a week now.”

“Is it.. Is it Lisa?” 

Jennie doesn’t answer, allows the question to burn through the silence between them. She knew Jisoo knew her as much as Lisa did.

“Jen… Is it?” 

The force in Jisoo’s voice made her nod.

* * *

Jennie remembers the first day they met, remembered every detail. How could she forget when she pictured it so many times in her memory, playing it again and again. She feels the flowers move and push their way, burning and scratching the lining of her throat as she bent over the toilet bowl. Seeing daisies float, the water a pale pink from the blood. She hates the way she craved the comfort the pain brought. 

_ Jennie finds herself sitting by the bench, alone, as the rain grew heavier and stronger. She pulled on the sleeves of her sweater and rubbed her hands together to keep from shivering as another gust of wind blew. Drops of rain felt nice and cool on her warm skin, and for a moment Jennie contemplates the idea of running through the rain, towards the bus stop. It was the first week of uni, something she was looking forward to but found to be so underwhelming. She looked at the puddles, little puddles from the rain that rippled. _

_ There was something about the rain and the way it fell against the ground, the muted pattering against the asphalt road that made Jennie step out from the comfort of the waiting shed and into the rain. The rain that washed through her, made her close her eyes and laugh. It’s been a while since she enjoyed something like this without the scrutiny of her father. Her father who she thought was loveless. Who could say something so ugly about love all those years ago when she was seven? Who could be so cruel as to look on with emotionless eyes as her mother died? Who could hate everything that’s beautiful in this world? _

_ There was something comforting about the rain. Jennie thinks and that was… her tears mixed with the rain. _

_ “Hey” _

_ Jennie opened her eyes, brown doe like eyes looking back. _

_ “You’ll catch a cold at this rate…” _

_ Jennie looks up to see a yellow umbrella, a pale yellow against the gray skies and the drops that echoed out against the dying afternoon. Jennie finds herself looking at her and not really knowing what to say. _

_ “You want to know a secret about dancing in the rain?” _

_ Her brown bangs kissed the top of her eyebrows, and Jennie finds it pretty. She sees her smile and hears her chuckle. All Jennie could do was nod. _

_ “No one will know if you’ve been crying.” She gives her a wink and a full blown grin. “You can’t fool me though… someone so pretty shouldn’t cry…” _

_ Jennie finds herself breathing in the pain and confusion and drowning into the kindness that swirled in her eyes. _

_ “Come on, let me walk you home.” _

“Jennie, you’ve got to do something about this. At this rate you’ll…”

Jennie gives out another hollow laugh, something she knew was forced.

“Die?” 

Jennie says it so matter of factly Jisoo winced. 

“Don’t say that word please. You do know there are preventive steps right? We could have that surgically removed and you’ll be, you’ll be fine.”

Jennie shakes her head. 

_ She won’t make the same mistakes her father did. _

* * *

Jennie stands by the kitchen sink. Looks at the pool of daisies and the crimson red that stained their innocent petals. How could something so beautiful be so painful. She shuts her eyes and wonders why she was stupid enough to fall for someone that could never be hers. Human nature had a funny way of making you want things you can never have and need things you’ll never want. 

She turns on the tap and watches the glossy crimson swirl, and the flowers along with it. She feels them take root in her lungs and knows that it would be soon.

_ “Lisa-yah stop!” _

_ “What? I love seeing you smile. Smiling looks really good on you Unnie.” _

_ Jennie feels her heart quiver, like a feather at what Lisa said. Feels the same lightness she felt with her mother’s embrace take over. _

_ “You should smile more, I should make you smile more…” _

Jennie feels the hot tears break free and she buries her face in her hands

_ Why? _

_ Why you? _

_ Why this? _

_ Why me? _

_ Why can’t i stop? _

_ Do I want to? _

_ Why? _

_ Why can’t you fucking love me back? _

Jennie allows the fatigue to take over as she slumps into the floor, her back against the kitchen stall. 

_ Cold, it felt cold… but inside her was colder. _

She vomits again, daisies of all sizes tinged with blood. 

_ Innocence and purity...everything Lisa is. _

She strokes the petals and finds comfort in the softness, feels her breathing slow down. She knew it was close.

_ Red, she was the blood. Tainting everything that was good with Lisa with her gray and blue shades, swirling reds and angry orange… _

“I’m sorry…”

She closes her eyes and allows the darkness to take over, she feels the roots digging deeper. It was only a matter of time before the full bloom happens. Jennie smiles, she finds it so utterly beautiful and stupid, for something so pure, so light a feeling be the most painful thing. 

She feels herself slipping away slowly. 

“Hey,”

Jennie opens her eyes briefly and see’s doe-like eyes. The same ones four years ago. 

_ She was dreaming… _

“You want to know another secret Jen?”

She feels warm hands hold her, cradling her. She smiles wistfully, this felt like her mother’s embrace…

“I never liked it when you were hurt or sad or crying…”

Lisa’s voice broke, and Jennie finds herself being wrapped in a blanket. 

“You never liked anything negative Lisa…” 

She feels the tears on her face. Tears, from Lisa. 

“You know me far too much…”

“I guess I do…” Jennie’s voice was losing it’s sting, and she laughs softly. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Lisa’s voice was so soft, Jennie barely heard it. She buries her head deeper into Lisa’s neck and sighs.

“Jen… why…”

Jennie doesn’t answer, she know she doesn’t need to. 

She feels the darkness again and the sharp pain in her chest, crawling, swimming in her veins. Filling her with a sharp pain she found rather addicting. She heard Lisa’s screams and pleas, heard them like a soft whisper against the hum of her favorite lullaby and the same sentence that made her love her mother most. Hears Lisa’s sorry amidst the darkness and the pain. 

_ Tragically beautiful... To die for something as noble as love, for standing up for what you want… _

* * *

Jennie woke to glaring white lights and the scent of antiseptic in the air. She feels the cold white sheets in her hands and she bolts upright. She sees a table beside the bed filled with, strangely… flowers. She looks around and realizes she’s in the hospital. 

“Jen, how are you. You shouldn’t be up so soon.” A concerned looking Chaeyoung rushed to her side. 

“Why… am I here?”

She asks the obvious, and hopes she doesn’t get the answer she expects. 

“Lisa… she called for help and you were rushed here. Where…”

Jennie pinches the bridge of her nose. She feels a headache coming and looks for the familiar pain and heaviness in her heart and feels nothing. 

_ Nothing… _

“She had to Jen…”

Chaeyoung’s words finds her and she tries to find for something in her, anything and found nothing, nothing in her heart for Lisa. 

* * *

Jennie had tried for weeks to look for her, and realized that Lisa wanted to avoid her as much as she wanted to find her. It’s been weeks since she tried to go through memories, hoping for the familiar hold and heaviness to take over, and found nothing but emptiness inside. 

Jennie walks to the part of the library that was rarely ever visited, and takes her time dragging her steps. She hears soft crying and the familiar scent. 

“Hey.”

Jennie stops in her tracks, frozen. 

_ Stark white and red. _

Lisa was sitting on the floor, a sad looking smile on her lips. 

“Hey Jen…”

Jennie’s heart drops to the pit of her stomach and rushes to her. 

White petals littered the floor, specks of blood on the corner of her lips. 

“Why can’t I realize I loved you sooner?”

Her words hang in the air and it made Jennie cry. Jennie tries hard but finds nothing in her heart to stop whatever it was that was happening, and she finally understands why her father was so loveless and angry. 


End file.
